McCain Advisor Dr. Phil (Gramm) Declares We're All Mental Cases

By Si Dunn

We're all a bunch of whiners, and the recession is all in our minds, one of John McCain's economic advisors, Dr. Phil Gramm, recently told The Washington Times.

"Whew! I feel better already!" a recently laid-off airline baggage handler declared after learning of the upbeat economic diagnosis by "that other Dr. Phil."

"For a moment, I thought was severely depressed about losing my job and not having any money or benefits. It's great news to know that I am just imagining all of this and whining without appreciating how well off I really am! Things could be much worse. I could still be commuting 40 miles each way to that job I used to have and still paying record prices for gasoline. I should count my blessings," the ex-baggage handler declared.

He was interviewed while standing in a block-long line outside the local office of his state unemployment agency. When others in line overheard Dr. Gramm's diagnosis, loud choruses of "Hallelujah!" erupted, and many people left the line and headed home with big smiles on their faces.

"John McCain and his brilliant advisors will save us all from the economic sins of poverty!" one woman shouted as she tore up her unemployment application form. "It's all in our heads, people! All in our heads!"

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