Social Media Is Dead -- And You Killed It

That's right. Social media (or Social Media, as its practitioners and aficionados so importantly emphasize it) is dead.

You have killed it by overdoing it--day and night, endlessly posting and re-posting. You now stay online so much that you have become antisocial in real life.

Families? Friends? Co-workers? Don't need 'em.

You tweet, therefore you are. You blog, therefore you matter. And if you can just keep it up, hashtagging often enough in one 24-hour span, you can create the illusion that you are living an exciting, important, digirati life.

Those now jumping into social media soon will discover that they have arrived too late. Social media has become oh, so two hours ago.

The New Hot Thing is...Antisocial Media (ASM).

We in ASM tweet just to tweet (and don't you "@" or "DM" or "RT" me, you rat bastard. I'm too busy posting new tweets to read anything or respond). We blog because we can--and we purposely burn up many hours in the process, so the real people around us will get less and less of our time to waste.

Who needs actual social interactions when we can flood the digital universe with ASM?

Don't answer that. And don't attempt to argue with me. Just post your own stuff and don't expect me to read it. The true practitioner of ASM doesn't even read his or her own postings.

My new book, Antisocial Media: Hashtags in Hell (LOL), will be published soon. In the true spirit of ASM, I wrote it without reading it. I let no one edit it. And I will tolerate no reviews or questions about it.

Just click on the Amazon link, charge your credit card and forget about it. Instantly, you will become another expert in Antisocial Media, and you can publish your own book on "how to boost your ASM productivity." (Suggested title: "How I Got 8 Million Anti-Followers on Twitter in Five Seconds Flat.")

I won't read it, of course. I'll be too busy tweeting and blogging about the death of Antisocial Media and the coming of the Next Hot Thing: face-to-face, offline discourse and conversations (FFODAC). (Gasp!)

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