The Ridiculous Republicans Strike (Out) Again

By Si Dunn

Wow! Leaders of the Republican factions that did not support the recent efforts to get an economic stimulous package passed are now claiming President Obama is "off to a bad start," according to CNN Politics. And they are complaining that he is not being bipartisan.

With those two whines, the Ridiculous Republicans have just become the Amazingly Ridiculous Republicans. They have gotten so far out of touch with the economic crisis--and with the needs of the "real" American people--that they are now inhabiting a separate universe. It's a universe where America is ruled by a king, Rush Limbaugh, and everyone has a two-word vocabulary: "Tax cuts."

The Republicans certainly were not bipartisan when they held sway during the eight years of the Bush Administration. But now they are demanding bipartanship from President Obama, even though he has gone out of his way to confer with them--and promises to keep conferring with them.

"Almost all of our proposals went down on a party-line vote," the lead Amazingly Ridiculous Republican, Sen. John McCain, complained.

Well, sir, in case you have forgotten, that's often what happens to parties that end up with a minority of the votes.

A bunch of Republican-desired tax cuts did make it into the stimulous package, and as for the rest, well, the majority decided they sucked and took them out. That's just the way the process works, bucko.

So spare us the indignant complaints, please. Figure out some new ways you can step forward and work with the ruling majority to help get our nation out of the major mess your previous "leadership" helped create.

You lost. The other side won. Get over it and start putting up some fresh ideas, if you have any.

At this point, you've driven "tax cuts" straight into the ground.

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Ridiculous Republicans Say: "Let Them Eat Tax Cuts!"

By Si Dunn

On a day when the national economy continued to swirl down a giant, gold-plated toilet, not a single House Republican voted in favor of President Barack Obama's economic stimulus package, despite his best efforts to win their support.

"Let them eat tax cuts!" That was the message, in so many words, emerging from the now-minority party in the U.S. House of Representatives. "Tax cuts" seems to be the upper limits of their intellectual and patriotic vocabulary in this time of unnerving crisis. They have one idea and one idea only: "Taxes? We don't need no stinkin' taxes." (Well, perhaps that translates into a second idea deep within their shallow brains: "Government? We don't need no stinkin' government." But, of course, if they could follow that thought out to its logical conclusion, it would mean that they would be unemployed, former Congresspersons.)

These Limbaugh Republicans apparently agree with their talk-radio godhead who recently proclaimed that he hopes President Obama "fails" in his efforts to restore stability and growth to an American economy that now is in deep, deep voodoo, thanks to GOP's own governance efforts--or lack thereof--over the past eight years.

People who have no jobs can't eat tax cuts. They can't pay for health care with tax cuts. They can't go to the supermarket and pay for meat and bread and apples with tax cuts.

Tax cuts also won't put people back to work for companies that no longer can afford to sell their products nor keep employees on the job. Sure, tax cuts may help those companies not have to slash their dividends to stockholders quite so deeply. But tax cuts won't save the job of Joe the Welder now working on the line and looking over his shoulder for the next layoff ax.

If President Obama fails, we all fail. And House Republicans forever will be known as the ones who gave up first in this perilous fight to save the United States of America from economic catastrophe.

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Undecided? Just Take a Harder Look Around You

By Si Dunn

My mind was made up long ago. I wanted Hillary Clinton to win, and I wanted Barack Obama to be Vice President. I was hung up on the narrow notion that experience trumps almost everything else.

When Hillary lost, it took me a while to warm up to Barack Obama. But the more I watched him and listened to what he has to say, the more I realized that the man is the leader we need for these greatly troubled and hugely challenging times.

John McCain has served his country with honor and distinction. But now is not the time for Republican solutions, particularly narrow-minded neoconservative solutions. The Republican Party has splintered into factions and completely lost its compass. It may take years to rebuild itself, or it may spin off into two or more political parties.

At a time when Americans are fearful for their familiess, their jobs, their retirement savings, their homes and the very future of this great nation, the current Republican leadership keeps railing about tax cuts, socialism, abortion and 1960s radicals.

As a result, John McCain and Sarah Palin seem to be harping at us from other dimensions and other planets. They want us all to just sit on our little piles of money (if we still have any) and not let any of it get (horrors!) spread around.

Government? Hey, don't need it. Taxes? Evil! Don't need 'em. Change? The economy is fundamentally sound, you betcha. Especially if the wealthy get to keep their tax cuts forever and ever, amen. Iraq? There is only one victory, and that is the victory where we stay there for up to a hundred years and keep blowing up people and goats and things until somebody important says: "Okay, okay, you win! Thank you very much!"

We need experience and leadership in Washington. But more importantly, we need someone with the ability and courage to tell us that we have to make a few sacrifices and do a few things to help our nation out over the next few years. That may include paying a few taxes to help fund government services. And it may include--horror of horrors!--spreading a little of our money around to help our less-fortunate neighbors.

After 9/11, George Bush looked out over a nation angered and ready to fight back. Americans were motivated and eager to do their part for a war effort. Our fearless leader seized that moment and told us all to go out and...shop.

Huh? Fight Al-Qaeda and the Taliban with American Express? Just party hardy and pretend they don't exist? Have the difficult and painful lessons of World War II already been forgotten?

Now we are in a major economic crisis, and the Republicans are raging against government spending--the very spending that they exploded to unbelievable levels. Yet government spending on infrastructure and other job-creation programs may be almost the only tool left for resuscitating the economy.

The Republicans have had their time and opportunities for economic and social experiments, and they have made an utter mess of things. Now they want four more, or even eight more, years to create an even bigger disaster.

Just look around and take a hard look this time. Our nation is in peril on several fronts, and the party that has lead us to the precipice now wants your permission to take us all over the cliff to complete ruin.

Stand up, fight back and say "Hell, no! We won't go!" to the Republican Party in its present, bastardized form.

Barack Obama and Joe Biden can lead us away from that precipice and toward better and more sensible times. And they'll ask for--and need--our help.

Many of us are ready to be be part of the solution, even if it means making some personal and financial sacrifices on behalf of our country. We are patriotic Americans, not just mindless shoppers looking for the next sale on tax cuts.

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John McCain to Fight Global Warming by Cutting Earth's Atmosphere

By Si Dunn

WASHINGTON, D.C.--Building on his promise to preserve and extend George W. Bush's tax cuts for wealthy Americans, Republican presidential candidate John McCain announced today that he will fight global warming by removing 50 percent of the nitrogen from Earth's atmosphere by 2012.

"It's mostly an inert gas, folks. It just floats there, takes up space, and does nothing to contribute to economic growth," McCain declared at an impromptu press conference near the Lone Sailor statue at Washington's Navy Memorial. "So we're gonna suck it straight out of the sky and start creating more room for carbon and other aerial byproducts of a robust, growing economy."

To avoid a nitrogen glut, McCain also announced a plan to encourage automakers to voluntarily retrofit existing SUVs and other gas-guzzling vehicles to run on nitrogen by 2058. "Yeah, the cars will be pretty old by then," McCain conceded. "But if they are kept up on blocks in a decent garage, they can provide affordable transportation and housing for the poor--housing that the federal government won't have to subsidize--fifty years from now. What low-income family wouldn't want the chance to live in a classic Ford Expedition or Chevy Suburban or Lincoln Navigator and also drive it around burning almost-free nitrogen?"

A spokesman for the Obama campaign had no immediate comment. But a well-placed Obama consultant hinted that the Democratic contender may now be working on a plan to reduce hot-air emissions inside the Beltway. "He'll say that we deserve a cooler government. And the best way to get it is to reduce Republicans in the House and Senate by 60 percent, or more, by 2012."

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Republicans Promise FREE Gas for All!!!

By Si Dunn

CBS News has reported that Republicans once again have blocked Democratic efforts to tax bloated oil profits and use some of the money to fund research and development of alternative energy sources.

The Republicans apparently have a new energy plan of their own. And here are some key details, leaked exclusively to Dateline: Oblivion by sources deep within the GOP.

"Making President Bush's tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans permanent, at least into the 29th century, will drive down gasoline prices by $3 a gallon immediately," one high-level Republican promised.

"And if drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Preserve in Alaska is approved and made permanent," another top-level source added, "gas prices will drop by at least another $3 a gallon, right away."

Asked if this means what it seems to mean, yet another top-level GOP policy wonk grinned enthusiastically. "That's absolutely right! If gasoline prices stay below $6 a gallon, the federal government then will have to start paying you to drive! Is this a great plan or what? All you have to do is let us extend a few little bitty ole tax cuts out toward infinity--which ain't nothin' but an '8' tipped on its side, anyway--and then kick a few mangy seals and caribou out of the way. Next thing you'll know, you'll be topping off your Hummer again and getting rebate checks every time you fill up!"

Sources equally deep within the Democratic Party said they are aware of the secret Republican energy plan. "We have moles--secret Obama admirers, in fact--already at work within their ranks. Whether they try to bring this scheme up for a vote before the November election or after President Obama is inaugurated, it will be toast. We'll even stage a big photo opportunity and cook it in a solar oven, to save energy," the Democratic source declared.

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